Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
