Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
