break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
