I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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