You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
