I bet he comes in French.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
