I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
