Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
