I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
