I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
