What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's even glitter on my cock...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
