dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
