Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
