Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
