You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Shame - the story of my life.
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