yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
