i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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