K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
