The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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