So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Houston, we have a blender
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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