If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
