went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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