Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
