Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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