turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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