He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
