You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
