Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
