It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
