a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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