Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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