RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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