There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
