the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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