Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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