Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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