youre lurking in front of me
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
