return my video game
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
