No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
