Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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