I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
