Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
