so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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