You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
