and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
