There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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