Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
