her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
time to smoke my breakfast
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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