so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
