Did you just see the Batmobile???
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
