good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
