I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
