I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
