no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
